oh vey.
It is ALWAYS in the car. 

I SWEAR the “big” conversation ALWAYS.HAPPEN.IN.THE.FLIPPin.CAR.

 

Kids KNOW they have you “stuck” in there.  You can’t whisk yourself  away and claim you have to do laundry, you cannot answer a phone (that really isn’t ringing but is a great way out of conversations you are not ready to launch into), there’s no where for the parent to “go”.


Oh kids SO KNOW THIS!

I promise, upon my purple hair, that I have had more theological, spiritual, and conversations of the deepest kind….while stopping at stop signs, hurdling down the highway, and looking at my GPS to figure out where in the heck I’m going (hm. kinda symbolic with the GPS and all, ain’t it?!)


Today…Aven decided she needs to talk about death. 

While we are coming home from dance. Luckily, this drive is only 30 minutes, at most, so I took the opportunity by ‘the horns’ so to speak (as if I had a choice…if you know Aven or have read at minimum 2 posts on my blog..well..you know what I mean ;).


“Momma, the only bones we can see are our teeth, right?”


[my brain tries to jump back to anatomy class cuz I’m really not sure a tooth IS a ‘bone’ but then I remembered she is FOUR]


“Yes Aven. You can see your teeth and they are alot like bones.” (ha. got her.)


…wait for it…wait for it… ……


“Momma, will we have bones in Heaven?”

3….2….1! 

we’ve LAUNCHED into yet another theological question while in a moving vehicle.


“Aven, we are made in the image of God and God was Jesus so we will look like we look now, so, yes, we will have bones.”


“Mom, will I still have brown skin?” asked the girl-that-wants-fair-skin-and-blonde-hair.


“Precious girl, God created you perfectly. He wanted you to have brown skin. Remember, Jesus had dark skin too…Just like you. You are lucky! Yes, will have your beautiful brown skin in Heaven.”

{insert Andrea whispering prayers that these answers are at least 90% to close to ‘correct’ within the realm of what Heaven will be like :}


….get ready for it….get ready for….the 4 yr old’s about to dive even deeper…

……AND we’ve hit every red light on our way home so I know God’s smiling at me saying, “gotcha Andrea. Now stop checkin’ your phone and answer Aven’s questions with your full attention.” dang….busted.


….Aven jumps too……… MY DAD of course.

“Grandpa Bruce was my Grandpa. It is not fair. He’s dead. Aren’t you sad Momma?” asks a truly inquisitive, soft-hearted little girl who my Dad would think hung the Moon.


“Yes, Aven. I am sad but I know my Daddy feels better now. AND, I just bet that he knows about you and your brothers and is very happy. I think my Dad is happy that I am happy.” I respond…

[anyone else sweating? and if you are looking up scripture to prove I’m wrong …. please don’t… just shut your Bible and role with me…she’s FOUR ya know ;)]

I am now whispering to God that ‘could He PLEASE step in any ol’ time cuz does He remember that I have driving anxiety with my stupid Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and talking about my deceased father, while driving, probably IS NOT the best mix for this girl????……..


“But Momma, dead people aren’t happy. They look like this…” 

I look in the rearview mirror and she’s mimicking a dead body by frowning as big as possible with her eyes squeezed shut and her pigtails all hanging to one side, drooping over the side of her carseat.   (HELLO!! Anxiety?!)

Oh.My.Word.


{okay…now comes the part where God takes over because I’ve NEVER EVER thought of this before}


“Aven, you know how we love matroyshka dolls. We think they are so beautiful and each one has more inside than what you can see from the outside?” I say thinking…’where’d THAT come from?’…oh yeah…God’s steppin’ in! phew!


“Yes. My favorite is the teeny-tiniest baby one …. the last one.”  said Aven, who’s no longer mimicking a dead person, which is nice.

“Well, sweets, the teenist-tiniest one…THAT one is like your SOUL! 

The soul that God put into your body.  Remember how that last, littlest one…your favorite…doesn’t open? It’s because that is the REAL, never changing part of the matroyshka doll…just like our soul never changes.”

[I’m thinking…’hey..I’m not doing to bad with this one! woot! woot!. Thank ya Jesus I CAN listen AND obey WHILE driving! who knew?!]


“Right now, the bodies we have are like the ‘outside’ matroyshka doll. The one you can see.” I continue.


Aven says, “Oh my favorite is the pretty red one that has blonde hair but I’m still mad that that dog, Benson, chewed part of her up.”


 

“Yep, Aven, you are right. I get mad about that too because that makes me think of my Daddy. His ‘outside’ matroyshka doll got sick. It wasn’t his fault. 

But it is because there is yuck in this world that wants to keep us from being really happy and really healthy.  God hates that yuck, ya know that yuck is the Devil.”  I say, seriously wondering if God is stretching time because this car ride is taking FOREVER.

“I hate the devil. I would be like my brothers and just “Tae Kwon Do” kick him Momma.” said Aven.  (laugh:)

“You CAN, in a way, do that when you pray Avenita because the Devil is such a whimp he doesn’t even let us see him. Your prayers are your kicks.” I replied.


I wanted to get back on topic (if possible with Aven :)…


“Hey Aven, you know how we are the ‘outside’ matroyshka now, right?  Well, when we die and go to Heaven, which is not scary, it is like we get to be one of the other, inside, matroyshka dolls!  

No scratches, no doggy bite marks, no chipped paint!  We are brand new but we are still ourselves because that littlest ‘matroyshka’, your favorite one, is still inside….like how your soul will always be with you.”  

She looks out the window for a second and I am PRAYING to the SWEET LORD ABOVE that she does not bring up that not EVERY ‘inside’ matroyshka looks like the outside one….kwim?!  

She didn’t. {PHEW}


She said, “I’m glad that little one is always going to be there. It’s my favorite.” (from the mouth of babes, right?!)

“Aven, it’s who makes “you” you. Your soul is “Aven”.  No matter what the outside looks like….you will always be how God made you…which is perfect.”


I looked in the rearview mirror, and saw my daughter….who looks nothing like me, who does not share my DNA, but who is so much a part of me that I sometimes forget where she starts and I end….

…..who has questions that seem beyond her age….who will have questions I do not have answers too….who seems to know that the world curiously complicated….

…A child that was knit together within her birthmother’s womb with perfection……with a purpose and a plan for that baby to have hopes and a future…not for harm….


and…I saw this precious creation, my kiddo,  smiling BIG.  

Thank you Jesus.

 

I do miss my Dad.

I miss that my Dad cannot enjoy my kids (oh my heck he would have LOVED them SO much!) but I am HAPPY that there is a hope for us which promises us a much brighter future that what we toil away for here on this rock we live on.

I  am thrilled that God helped me answer one of my precious treasure’s deepest questions using something she and I both love and share and see as “beautiful”….. matroyshkas.

God IS beautiful like that…always making it as easy for us as He can….wanting us to feel Him and His love. 

Not fear. Not doubt. Love.


A LOVE that can be described in SO many ways….and today….oddly enough……it was via a matroyshka doll. 

Happily….we pulled into the driveway before Aven ended her “looking out the window smiling really big moment” and launched into more theological questions….

[cuz my heart was on overload…]


Regardless….What a joy to know that there ARE answers to ALL of our hard questions.

And, a joy to know that inner-matroyshka doll that makes “us” us…will always be there.

God Is Good.