I love you more than suddenly cleaning out your closet when I lose you.
I love you so as to hide myself in your clothes and to feel enveloped in the ‘arms” that used to surround me and protect me.
Love is bigger than your old sweatshirt but within it I find the world. I am not diminished for this smallness in thinking but am comforted by it. I know you are there, were here, are here.
I love so that I refuse to make you a saint but keep you real and human so that I will never forget we love each other even through the ‘even thoughs’.
I love you that I would refuse to make you a charity or a work but to keep you secret and only ‘mine’ for awhile yet….
The world has had and will have you forever. I deserve you for a few more moments in only the way that we are we and in the nuances that only this ‘we’ comprehends.
Then…they can have you and your memory but I keep the best of you in ours…and in me.
I love you so that I would cook your favorite foods just to smell their smells…even if I didn’t like the taste..just to think that you’d have been pleased and to let the memories of your ‘pleased’ unfurl in my mind.
Your love is not a noisy love. It is a love that is like a solid bridge between life moments that is actually a bridge I am not terrified of crossing or even of looking at.
It is the one thing that I know will not tumble, buckle, break, or fall. I trust your quiet love.
I would talk of you everyday to keep you ‘alive’ to them…teaching them of you so they remain as much a part of you as I get to be a part of them.
I would curl beneath our covers and relive our moments and I would be grateful for what we have even if unthinkable.
I love you so much that I would never guard my tears. I would let them flow in a river of love that I refuse to hide because each tear is an honor to ‘us’, to you, to them.
Loving to teach that tears are not solely for sadness but also for beautiful remembrances, laughter, and the mysterious.
I would not remove any part of you from me. Ever. I would keep you close…no matter how far you had go from me or for how long.
Some may say I do not understand. I accept that for they might not understand either. I trust what my heart is telling me is right for what is within.
I lay in the knowledge that we are not everyone and that each love is it’s own perfection.
Love molds to those that have it and then the mold is broken for each. Our mold is broken. We shattered it beautifully.
My transformation into a new person is largely due to walking within your strengthening shadow.
Somehow, even the brightest day does not lighten the strength of your shadow within me. It heightens it and makes me remember.
Wherever you are, I love you. I will love you. I started loving you. I will never “have” loved you…as that would imply that this could somehow end…and that is not something that love does.
We are US…or any other two people in love…