No, the inside of me looked alot more like this:
My logic is based upon nothing but hope.
But I do not care. It’s just been ‘a day’.
A stupid ‘Superwoman Complex’ day which has left me in a sour mood with questions ringing within my hear and soul.
A day when I feel like I could have (‘Superwoman’ would have..) sucked it up and done better.
Sure, I got the basics accomplished….but I was hoping for more. Thus the hope for a “bigger” tomorrow.
Funny thing is? My kids haven’t a clue I feel this way. Somehow, they still think I am a great Mom!
That is a miracle because if they could see inside my brain they would be surprised!
They’d see all that I ‘had’ planned for today but never accomplished…the reading together, the games, the hugs, the quality time in the backyard, the spiritual conversations, the laughter from playing together….ha.
They all had a GREAT day.
BUT…the stupidly high, pretty -much -unattainable, shoot -myself -in -the -foot -everyday standards I have inappropriately applied to my mothering? Well, they make me feel like a failure more often than a success.
Can I get an “amen” or an”I get it Andrea”?
Add PTSD (a mental health issue I am fighting and beating but still fighting) into the mix…phew. Not fun being a grown-up with a irrational an inappropriate ‘Superwoman Complex‘…
… that hits her between the eyes the instant PTSD rears it’s ugly head.
This “Superwoman Complex” had been under control [I’d realized there was a ‘hole in my cape’ and I was actually happy about it! Less pressure to ‘soar’ everyday!] …. but …. ‘the complex’ likes to come back around when I am feeling like an under-achieving Momma. It’s mean like that.
Is it mean like that to you? Please tell me I am NOT the only recovering ‘Superwoman’ out there? If I can fess it up then so can ya’ll…It’s not so much fun hanging out in the ‘Recovering Superwoman’ support group ALONE. Join me 😉
PLEASE tell me you all do not have figured it out. That I am not the only only one lingering in the support group trying to get these cuzzin’ red boots off….
You know…sometimes you just don’t feel like you can EVER do enough for your kids or those you adore.
That is a LIE….but….sometimes it is hard to distinguish between a lie and a truth when you are wondering about things.
Tomorrow will be better…..
Tomorrow I will not (I will try not) to let the past hold me from my NOW.