xDo you all wake up and immediately think of ALL that you ‘want’ to get done that day?
And then do you go to sleep thinking, “DANG. I didn’t get any of that done.”
I do.
Pretty much everyday.
I think it is the curse … and I mean that literally…the CURSE of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is NOT a good quality. It makes a person all wound up, it keeps others at bay, it makes the bearer of ‘the curse’ feel disappointed in themselves (for no good reason), and it keeps the really IMPORTANT things (like being calm and hanging out in an easy-going style with kids, friends) hard to accomplish.
Lucky for me…Post Traumatic Stress has required that I address my ‘curse’ and tone it DOWN. I am doing a ‘better’ job of it…but not ‘perfect’…bwwwhahahhahaha….(I’m hysterical, no?!)
My Dad was a perfectionist.
He ran his own business, our family, and his social life with ‘perfection’ … but….he was only able to truly ‘relax’ when he was out, away from ‘life’, on our little boat, speeding down the Ohio River.
I don’t have my Dad here to ‘pick his brain’ about how to conquer perfectionism….I saw him have to “give it all up” in regards to ‘appearances, money, style, etc” when he battled cancer for two years.
A battle with cancer can strip a person down to their inner-core, leaving only the basics. And that is what happened to my Dad.
I ‘watched’ it happen but my Dad never talked about how it felt, how to do it, etc. He was not much of a “talker” in that regards.
Actually, today is the anniversary of his death. He has been in a MUCH better place, without pain, for 17 yrs now.
So, here I am sorta learning the same lesson (though to a less severe degree thankfully)…and wishing I had him to turn to for questions.
But…
I suppose simply acknowledging that ‘perfectionism’ is NOT something to be ‘esteemed’ is a giant step forward for those under it’s ‘curse’.
Writing this blog has helped me peel away my facade that ‘perfectionism’ had built up over the years, having kids has certainly helped, and … add in PTSD … well … I think I am learning that…
Even though I may still have the “perfectionist” thoughts…
I am learning that they really are not TRUTH.
That the REALLY important things in life are not the things I can control…but the things that are out of my control and that I need to simply stand back, in awe, and enjoy.
Love you guys…
Andrea
I swear she dressed herself…and…I ‘might’ know why she dresses the way she does … mmmwwhaahhaha
(Here are some pix from my nephews football game…Mind you…this guy was living and educating in Calcutta, India a mere few months ago. Talk about adaptable! Being on the football team was his idea… Crazy Boys.)
My nephew is the one smiling towards #61 🙂 He is named after our Dad, “Bruce”. Bruce was born about two years after our Dad passed away.
Part of Bruce’s Rat Pack Cheerleader Team 🙂
I think he waves so I would stop screaming his name…. :)) Yes, I am “that” kind of Auntie.
The “Rat Pack” pretending to be Cheerleaders fer real :)) ha
Aven…in her own world…dancing 🙂 I think she’s ready for dance class to start next week, what do you think?!
Bruce got IN THE GAME this week!! Not bad for a boy that used to think “football” was “futbol”…as in soccer 🙂 I am really proud of how he goes for what he wants.
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I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear your opinions about PERFECTIONISM.
Do you deal with it?
Do you have friends/family who do and how it makes you feel…etc
Addendum: (smile)
After I wrote this…My mind was wandering about it. Through the curves and hidden paths that thoughts can travel.
I had another sort of ‘revelation’ …. though it may not be for some.
“Perfectionism” is exceptionally selfish behavior.
It makes those around you feel that they ‘never measure up’. I experienced this with my Dad as a pre-teen and teen…though I know it was never his malicious intention to make me feel this way.
I want to be on guard that I do not make others feel ‘less’ because of MY fault.
Lots to think about…
Good post! Perfectionism is also very selfish because it means you are concentrating on yourself rather than thinking of anyone else around you… It means you aren’t allowing others to look after you or to help because it usually goes alongside being ‘A’ type/control freak etc.
Took me a long time to move past that, have occasionally wondered if I slide too far the other way but then remind myself ‘no one is perfect’ 😉
Hey Missus Wookie…
My rambling brain finally made it to the “it is also very selfish behavior” conclusion.
You are SO right.
I didn’t really see that correlation until I’ve chewed on these thoughts today.
SOoooooo….64 million dollar question…(if you see this comment)…
Tell me how you conquered perfectionism!
PLEASE! 🙂
Andrea
My friend, Stephanie is a perfectionist and a people pleaser. it runs in her family also. It does NOT run in my family, and I have never known what it could feel like! but I tell her that I feel sorry for her because it must be very stressful AND exhausting! I tell her all the time that I love her the way she is and not to be so critical of herself or let others be critical of her…so Ditto to you! Xoxox
Wow you are so stinkin’ transparent! Don’t be too hard on yourself though girl. We’ve both come a long way in adapting our expectations away from “perfect” (because you know I have the SAME issue!) It seems to me that you are far better with all of this now than you used to be. i.e. We used to NEED a perfect home before we could have a guest and there was much freaking out among us all in preparations. Now we are all flexible (if anything I’m the one that goes nuts). There are many other examples as well. Also I’m not sure that the long “to do” list that we always come up with is perfectionism…it’s unrealistic ambition maybe…kwim? Let’s keep telling ourselves that anyway…
As long as we can say we did something close to our best (which I know we both do every day) then there’s no reason to beat ourselves up. You are a great mom and wife and we are building some awesome kids with great futures (wow – they’ve accomplished so much already!) What could be better?! ;0)
This perfect comment brought to you by Andrea’s perfect choice for a husband…who’s far from perfect.
I think Jim’s comment is great…we just need to keep doing our best which is all we can do and not to beat ourselves up about what we can’t do or change.
I struggle with it too and what you say about it being selfish is so true…hadn’t thought of it that way but you’re right. I think in light of that it motivates me to keep my focus off myself and on Jesus. When I do that then my focus will be better and I will be more flexible and open to God’s direction/leading vs what I think/want things to be like.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts…you always get my brain into thinking mode:)
Anna