
Especially those that don’t have it…..need it desperately.

I throw my husband a massive high-five and then jump and scream with crazy that my kids have him.
I find myself hard-pressed to think of anything better for my kids than their Dad…..
I am so daggone, up-a-tree thankful for Jim…, the Dad who loves, educates, protects, provides, disciplines, plays, leads, wrestles, jokes, races, challenges, and adores our 5 God-handed kids.
How desperately kids instinctually yearn for a strong, Father figure. I’m thinking of those kids without families…maybe in orphanages …. without a Poppa …. to lead them.
And, yet again, I think God for HIS Fathering and that He can step in where others have stepped out.
But, again, Jim….thanks for stepping in my love … Life’s okay as long as you’ve got our compass.
So…let’s take a glimpse into how you discipline, educate, disciple, and lead our kidz …. wink….
Our Chase.
My Sunshine.
Jim’s “Orange Pumpkin”.
Aven’s “Squeezy”.
Tye’s Protector.
Zane’s Idol.
Trey’s Best Friend.
Irina’s son.
Max’s son.
An entire family’s son that they do not have the honor to encounter day-to-day. Who know Chase was happily adopted at age 14 mos, from the orphanage where he was taken after being in the hospital for 3 mos. after his birth. He was in a rural Russian hospital for those 3 mos due to prematurity, bronchitis, and failure to thrive.
A family, a Mom, that was in desperate need and left her son in the care of the nurses.
I have always tried to paint a mental picture of her having/chosing to walk away from her son… I will never get it pictured properly but I honor her for that long walk…where she left part of her heart behind.
BUT! Now, Irina knows Chase IS THRIVING.
We hired a private investigator to find Chase’s birthparents 3 years ago. It took over a year. Record-keeping is not the same there as in our very organized nation.
But. Now she KNOWS. She has pictures. She has video. She has information on his interests, his talents, his love of Jesus.
Every one of Chase’s birthdays makes me feel, truly, connected to Irina.
To a woman that lives on a different continent, whose daily life is vastly different than mine, who lives in a different culture that is steeped in deep, deep history whereas I live in a relatively new nation that is still establishing and finding our balance.
I live in complete freedom, whereas Irina lives within a system of “supposed” freedom but one that is not practiced in actuality.
You are wondering if Chase minds if I talk to you all about his heritage.
No. Not at all.
He is proud of being adopted. He understands, to the extent a 15 yr old can (which is pretty deep), what Irina did for him and why….
He talks openly about “Miss Irina”, “Mr. Max”, and considers adoption as just one way God can construct a family.
I asked him, on the the 31st (his birthday), if he was thinking of Miss Irina.
He looked at me…sorta sheepishly…and said, “Not really Mom. Is that bad?”
My response, knowing he is 15 yrs old and thinks about video games more than food, said,”No babe. But I am and I wanted to remind you of how much I love her and am grateful to her because without her I would not have you.”
“You are right Mom.” …. and he’s back to doing whatever it was he was doing before I asked him 😉 Yep. He’s a teenager.
But, our goal has always been to keep his adoption (all the adoptions) an open topic. As easy to bring up as a “What’s for dinner” type question.
At this point, we see it playing out in all three of our kiddos who were brought to us via the journey of adoption. And within our ‘homemade’ kiddos. They have questions too.
We welcome any and all types of questions in regards to the adoption journeys we’ve traveled – first as just “Jim & Andre” and then it was “Jim, Andrea, Chase, Trey, and Zane” to get Tye home from China. And, finally (so far ;), it was “Jim, Andrea, Chase, Trey, Zane, and Tye” to get Aven home from Guatemala. It’s been a group effort 🙂
It is a beautiful thing. It allows a child to see a bigger world. A world where love abounds….a world where Moms and Dads go to extraordinary lengths to keep their children safe, fed, to be given opportunity, education, and to be so amazingly self-less as to allow someone else to raise their child.
I am daily amazed by you, my Chaser-Bean.
You can be discouraged and confused one minute and laughing hysterically shortly thereafter. You bounce back from setbacks or bad days unlike anyone else I have ever met.
I want your perseverance. I want that gigantic smile that you just cannot hold back.
Most of all, my son, I just want you. And, thanks to Miss Irina and Mr. Max….I have my wish.
I have you … a son that is independently focused on growing his relationship with God, who knows he struggles with Fetal Alcohol Effect but does not use it as an excuse for bad behavior or to not conquer something that is very hard for you (math!!). And you have found your God-Given talents and RAN with them! (music is one of ’em!)
Tears are rolling down my face as I picture God forming you within the womb, giving you an extra dose of perseverance (because He knew you’d need it)..
…wiring your brain with the ability to heal and conquer FAE..
…piecing your heart together but apparently using larger than normal components because your heart, Chase, it fills a room within seconds….
God giving you a craving that is unlike others…a craving to be generous beyond your years – How many times have you asked me, “Need anything Mom?”, “You doin’ okay Mom?”…… God has never created another one like you my love.
It would be impossible to for there ever to be another “you”.
You are a young man that has fought, (even if we were dragging you through the fight sometimes….years 6-9 come to mind :) to become who YOU want to be…not who we are telling you to be, not who friends are telling you to be, but who YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE.
I am amazed…my son…Irina’s son…God’s son….
Amazed at you and you, without any doubt, have made our entire family something that it could never have been without YOU.
When they handed you to me in a freezing, colorless orphanage in Rostov, Russia on January 17th, 1998… I knew I was holding an angel…My soul felt your angelic spirit the instant I touched you…I felt that, somehow, I had your birthmomma’s permission to take you into the folds of my arms, into the deepest places of my heart and to keep you safe, loved, and nurtured.
It turns out…. that Irina knew you were an angel too and wanted to let you soar.
You are soaring our Angel….. Beyond ALL expectations my… I mean OUR son ….. SOARING.
WE, Miss Irina, Mr. Max, Mom, Dad, your brothers, and your sister, … we love you and please use that love to change the world Angel.
With ALL of our LOVE….
Your Momma….and, by proxy, Miss Irina.
oh vey.
It is ALWAYS in the car.
I SWEAR the “big” conversation ALWAYS.HAPPEN.IN.THE.FLIPPin.CAR.
Kids KNOW they have you “stuck” in there. You can’t whisk yourself away and claim you have to do laundry, you cannot answer a phone (that really isn’t ringing but is a great way out of conversations you are not ready to launch into), there’s no where for the parent to “go”.
Oh kids SO KNOW THIS!
I promise, upon my purple hair, that I have had more theological, spiritual, and conversations of the deepest kind….while stopping at stop signs, hurdling down the highway, and looking at my GPS to figure out where in the heck I’m going (hm. kinda symbolic with the GPS and all, ain’t it?!)
Today…Aven decided she needs to talk about death.
While we are coming home from dance. Luckily, this drive is only 30 minutes, at most, so I took the opportunity by ‘the horns’ so to speak (as if I had a choice…if you know Aven or have read at minimum 2 posts on my blog..well..you know what I mean ;).
“Momma, the only bones we can see are our teeth, right?”
[my brain tries to jump back to anatomy class cuz I’m really not sure a tooth IS a ‘bone’ but then I remembered she is FOUR]
“Yes Aven. You can see your teeth and they are alot like bones.” (ha. got her.)
…wait for it…wait for it… ……
“Momma, will we have bones in Heaven?”
3….2….1!
we’ve LAUNCHED into yet another theological question while in a moving vehicle.
“Aven, we are made in the image of God and God was Jesus so we will look like we look now, so, yes, we will have bones.”
“Mom, will I still have brown skin?” asked the girl-that-wants-fair-skin-and-blonde-hair.
“Precious girl, God created you perfectly. He wanted you to have brown skin. Remember, Jesus had dark skin too…Just like you. You are lucky! Yes, will have your beautiful brown skin in Heaven.”
{insert Andrea whispering prayers that these answers are at least 90% to close to ‘correct’ within the realm of what Heaven will be like :}
….get ready for it….get ready for….the 4 yr old’s about to dive even deeper…
……AND we’ve hit every red light on our way home so I know God’s smiling at me saying, “gotcha Andrea. Now stop checkin’ your phone and answer Aven’s questions with your full attention.” dang….busted.
….Aven jumps too……… MY DAD of course.
“Grandpa Bruce was my Grandpa. It is not fair. He’s dead. Aren’t you sad Momma?” asks a truly inquisitive, soft-hearted little girl who my Dad would think hung the Moon.
“Yes, Aven. I am sad but I know my Daddy feels better now. AND, I just bet that he knows about you and your brothers and is very happy. I think my Dad is happy that I am happy.” I respond…
[anyone else sweating? and if you are looking up scripture to prove I’m wrong …. please don’t… just shut your Bible and role with me…she’s FOUR ya know ;)]
I am now whispering to God that ‘could He PLEASE step in any ol’ time cuz does He remember that I have driving anxiety with my stupid Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and talking about my deceased father, while driving, probably IS NOT the best mix for this girl????……..
“But Momma, dead people aren’t happy. They look like this…”
I look in the rearview mirror and she’s mimicking a dead body by frowning as big as possible with her eyes squeezed shut and her pigtails all hanging to one side, drooping over the side of her carseat. (HELLO!! Anxiety?!)
Oh.My.Word.
{okay…now comes the part where God takes over because I’ve NEVER EVER thought of this before}
“Aven, you know how we love matroyshka dolls. We think they are so beautiful and each one has more inside than what you can see from the outside?” I say thinking…’where’d THAT come from?’…oh yeah…God’s steppin’ in! phew!
“Yes. My favorite is the teeny-tiniest baby one …. the last one.” said Aven, who’s no longer mimicking a dead person, which is nice.
“Well, sweets, the teenist-tiniest one…THAT one is like your SOUL!
The soul that God put into your body. Remember how that last, littlest one…your favorite…doesn’t open? It’s because that is the REAL, never changing part of the matroyshka doll…just like our soul never changes.”
[I’m thinking…’hey..I’m not doing to bad with this one! woot! woot!. Thank ya Jesus I CAN listen AND obey WHILE driving! who knew?!]
“Right now, the bodies we have are like the ‘outside’ matroyshka doll. The one you can see.” I continue.
Aven says, “Oh my favorite is the pretty red one that has blonde hair but I’m still mad that that dog, Benson, chewed part of her up.”
“Yep, Aven, you are right. I get mad about that too because that makes me think of my Daddy. His ‘outside’ matroyshka doll got sick. It wasn’t his fault.
But it is because there is yuck in this world that wants to keep us from being really happy and really healthy. God hates that yuck, ya know that yuck is the Devil.” I say, seriously wondering if God is stretching time because this car ride is taking FOREVER.
“I hate the devil. I would be like my brothers and just “Tae Kwon Do” kick him Momma.” said Aven. (laugh:)
“You CAN, in a way, do that when you pray Avenita because the Devil is such a whimp he doesn’t even let us see him. Your prayers are your kicks.” I replied.
I wanted to get back on topic (if possible with Aven :)…
“Hey Aven, you know how we are the ‘outside’ matroyshka now, right? Well, when we die and go to Heaven, which is not scary, it is like we get to be one of the other, inside, matroyshka dolls!
No scratches, no doggy bite marks, no chipped paint! We are brand new but we are still ourselves because that littlest ‘matroyshka’, your favorite one, is still inside….like how your soul will always be with you.”
She looks out the window for a second and I am PRAYING to the SWEET LORD ABOVE that she does not bring up that not EVERY ‘inside’ matroyshka looks like the outside one….kwim?!
She didn’t. {PHEW}
She said, “I’m glad that little one is always going to be there. It’s my favorite.” (from the mouth of babes, right?!)
“Aven, it’s who makes “you” you. Your soul is “Aven”. No matter what the outside looks like….you will always be how God made you…which is perfect.”
I looked in the rearview mirror, and saw my daughter….who looks nothing like me, who does not share my DNA, but who is so much a part of me that I sometimes forget where she starts and I end….
…..who has questions that seem beyond her age….who will have questions I do not have answers too….who seems to know that the world curiously complicated….
…A child that was knit together within her birthmother’s womb with perfection……with a purpose and a plan for that baby to have hopes and a future…not for harm….
and…I saw this precious creation, my kiddo, smiling BIG.
Thank you Jesus.
I do miss my Dad.
I miss that my Dad cannot enjoy my kids (oh my heck he would have LOVED them SO much!) but I am HAPPY that there is a hope for us which promises us a much brighter future that what we toil away for here on this rock we live on.
I am thrilled that God helped me answer one of my precious treasure’s deepest questions using something she and I both love and share and see as “beautiful”….. matroyshkas.
God IS beautiful like that…always making it as easy for us as He can….wanting us to feel Him and His love.
Not fear. Not doubt. Love.
A LOVE that can be described in SO many ways….and today….oddly enough……it was via a matroyshka doll.
Happily….we pulled into the driveway before Aven ended her “looking out the window smiling really big moment” and launched into more theological questions….
[cuz my heart was on overload…]
Regardless….What a joy to know that there ARE answers to ALL of our hard questions.
And, a joy to know that inner-matroyshka doll that makes “us” us…will always be there.
God Is Good.
My twinnie needed this “vintage” window pair turned into a table display for her and her husband’s fundraising needs. She wanted it to look like a ” really old Indian window” and then I put henna-ish designs on the corners. She’ll put picture of their work in the window panes, etc.
AMY actually PAINTED! That’s equivalent to me RUNNING (and not just after a good sale at the mall but actually running in running shoes outside in nature)
When your daughter says, “Momma, you need to paint while you wear a tiara” You ALWAYS say YES!
Maybe a perfect afternoon for me…painting with my kids 🙂 My sis was there too 🙂
The kids make “gift bags” …. we are going to work on spelling this year in school.
bwwwhahahahahaha
You can see the completely stunned look on both of their faces 🙂 Tye was ALL smiles after the initial shock…
One was attacked by a dog and only has one eye. Aven wanted that one, Pete, so “She could make him all better.” 🙂
BUT…he said, “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” over and over.
[I don’t know how one ‘rescues’ a cockatiel but that is Nelson’s sweet story. I, personally, think it is perfectly fitting for Nelson to be rescued again by Tye…sigh.]
Even though Nelson was not used to nor did he even like being held, Tye acclimated Nelson very quickly!!!
(After Mommy and Daddy had said “No!” haha I still find that hilarious. God was like, “Sheesh Jim and Andrea…Do have to do EVERYTHING for you?” Um. YES? 🙂
This is a PERFECT bird for Aven.
She’s getting a wonderful heart-lesson from “Pete the Pirate” [get it…he’s a pirate cuz he only has one eye … wink…]
I think we’ll keep them separate for quite awhile longer 🙂
(cuz I’m scared to do it. I ‘clipped’ Trey’s newborn baby fingernails and made him bled profusely. Since then, I REFUSE to ‘clip’ anything. No joke.)
So, sometimes, they ‘take flight’ and it becomes a “find the bird” type of game.
Then a “get the bird” adventure”…..
Can you find the bird in this picture?
But, honestly, the birds usually keep this in their cages. I promise. My house does NOT smell. 🙂
I ask my ‘would tell it to me straight’ friends if it does smell and they continue to say “NO”. 🙂
That God orchestrated what, to myself and so many, would seem SO minor…but, apparently, to Tye’s heart is a MAJOR.
Who else could have orchestrated and laid it upon the hearts of FIVE families, who were all friends but weren’t comparing notes that intently, to start the adoption process all within 6 mos of each other?
Delaney’s Momma used to watch Chase will I worked when Chase first came home from Russia! And..for the record…Delaney has always had a bit of a cute, little girl crush on her “Chase” 🙂
These two fashionista raided Jessica’s closet … and come down to show their creations! Happily, Jessica laughed. She’s cool like that 🙂
Her and Tye have alot in common…unfortunately.
BUT, I know her parents are fighting the hard fight for her. She’s come a LONG way. Silly girl can fall asleep ANYWHERE though! Makes me jealous!
I wanna nap like that!
Andrea
So…
You can see some of the “fun” of adopting…you get a ‘bigger’ family (as in birthfamily)…you get to tell your kids how incredibly special they are…..just like EVERY kid is…
but…you can also see, through my Tye and his cognitive delays, that -sometimes- the idea or concept of ‘adoption’ is a bit confusing.
Tye, age 8, has, in the last 18 months or so (hhmmm…maybe a smidge longer?) started understanding the basic idea of ‘adoption’…whereas our Chase & Aven understood the idea of adoption around age 2.
The process of adoption is not for the faint of heart…but building a family in any shape or form isn’t!
Please let our Tye inspire YOU to promote adoption, respect adoption, or…be that last little nudge you need to finally sign that adoption application you have had sitting on your table for weeks….or at least call the agency that’s been on your heart.
It is SO WORTH it… I PROMISE.
I do not promise it will be easy.
But I PROMISE it will be worth it.