Happy 16th Birthday My Precious Son….and words from my heart to your birthmother….Adoption is sacred. Thank You Miss Irina.

First…Let’s start with some pictures of our celebration of “CHASE”!   TRYING to get a “WE LOVE CHASE ON HIS BIRTHDAY” picture but Trey (far left) is NOT cooperating. I get a bit frustrated GASP!  16 yrs old? HOW IN THE WORLD????? cry. Chase is a “BRONY” is is a totally odd teen boy phenom. So weird. Hiding inside the “Brony” cap was…..his enrollement into “Driver’s Ed”. gasp. Stay off the sidewalks my friends In Indiana, he can, legally, get his license at 16.5 yrs with Driver’s Ed. But….that’s if Mom & Dad think the general public will be safe The gift he’d asked for…I love the “OH!” on his face! The above was our little family celebration on his actual birthday…Oct. 31 A few days later…We had a “Super Major Scavenger Hunt” Birthday party for Chase and his friends… BWWHAHAHAHAHAHAH……We made sure ALL of his friends saw this banner when… Read More »

(little bloggin’ break….) Sharing moments of time and then my birthday letter to my oldest…I’ll need tissues.

So…. We’ve just been sitting at home watching the paint peel. This has been a busier autumn than we’ve had in a quite awhile…and for that I am EXTREMELY grateful. It means Momma feels like doing stuff!!  Whip out those pumpkins and costumes!  Go get some hay!  It’s been fantastic to get a bit more of ‘life’ restored as we continue to fight my PTSD.  The acupuncture seems to really be helping..along with yet another new therapy God led us to called “Cranio-Sacral”.  It is really weird but really useful. It helps your “muscle memory” (brain, or where you were injured) release the tension and energy from what your mind has been replaying and replaying since the traumatic event(s). I am convinced the secret to solving my PTSD does not lie in pharmceuticals (though I am on them and need them, etc) but in techniques that help my own body… Read More »

For the Love of Pete, She’s Writing about THAT again? Over it. Next Blog Please?

  This post is sitting upon my heart like a heavy secret.  It is not something I want to think more about tonight or tomorrow and I didn’t want to think of it yesterday. Yet, I have absolutely no choice. It will not go away and, in this, is my post.  Soooo….that trial won’t go away and no one’s listening anymore? Who’s shocked? [AND…if I were a bettin’ girl I would bet a very large # of you, who read my loud-mouthed/lots of pictures/transparent little blog here just rolled your eyes and thought, “Seriously? More about her PTSD? I am SO over it.”    Pssstt…..hello my sweet eye-roller…..So am I.   And your response? I’m about to pound ya yer I mean write about it…] SO many people are in long-term trials by fire…no choice in the matter. Yet, after about 18mos…2 yrs at best..interest in their trial wanes, friends dissipate, family… Read More »

A day in the LIFE ….

Today might have been horrible, wonderful, or in between.  One thing, though, is that it happened.  We can’t get away from horrible….  (the picture of flowers? Given to me to soothe my heart a bit ago as it was another anniversary of the passing of my sweet Daddy)….  and you just must memorize the great. Today is what today was… But…. I want to know, in my deepest of deeps, that I am trying with all of my ability with all of ‘me” to make these days pertinent and wonderful. Obedient as to what I am supposed to be doing with them. And during that “struggle”…. I want to capture the moments that make up the days that make up our lives. THAT is the fun part….but pushing to GET to the FUN can be harder than what is seen in just a 1-dimension, captured moment. These photos are “us”…… Read More »

Needles, Baby, Bathwater….many will not agree with this post.

 [But first some pictures of the last couple weeks...as I have been MIA here ]  Some serious conversation between two 5 yr old besties…who wear clothes that reflect their Momma’s tastes Luv.  The is an amazing area of our Art Museum. There are 100 acres of outdoor art installations. Some are interactive…as you can see  ”FRAMILY” …. Silly “Framily”….  ”I am sure we can roll this log into the water.” says 3 little boys about a huge fall tree trunk.  ”hmmm. Maybe not?” said 3 little boys to the fallen tree trunk.  Catching insects and little fish were the “science” activities of the day. The Holloways homeschool too. (thank Heavens!)  Miss Tessa joshin’ on Trey  AND…..our cars were broken in to while we were gallivanting around the 100 acres.  ”They” popped the locks on the driver’s door. We, the Cockrums, did not lose much but it cost $800 to fix… Read More »

"Your Dad Has Cancer. Very Bad Cancer." I heard those words 18 years ago. They still hurt as much as they did on that day. I want to write about how it feels to be on the receiving end of those words.

My Dad died 18 years ago, today, at 12:40am.  We, meaning a hospital room crowded with many people, had to publicly have our last moments with him…while he laid in a morphine-induce coma of which he occasionally came out of. However, the real fight began 2 years prior. For awhile, my healthy, handsome, gregarious Dad (though not a perfect man, but I am not a perfect woman so I can now, as an adult, understand this better. When I was younger, I did not and it affected my childhood oddly) had been feeling “off”. He went to a doctor or two.  They all said he was having a ‘mid-life crisis’ and put him on Prozac. (Prozac is a anti-depressant drug). I was just graduating high school, looking forward to college in a few months.   I had no idea that this “leaving home” and “starting a new season” in my… Read More »

I am here …. but I can’t hear you because….

I am drowning in:Bright, eye-sight-impairing, mountains of little girl attire that may or may not be 4 seasons past. Of these clothes, my daughter is in LOVE with each, single, every itty bitty one of them.  As in, “Momma, if I can’t see my red and green sweater ensemble that I wore to our family’s Christmas Eve party 4 years ago, I will feel incomplete.” (and…) “My Little Pony” paraphernalia.  Who KNEW ponies has SO MUCH paraphernalia. I am thinking I may need to involve the local authorities.(and…) “Barbie” parts (said in the literal). Heads, arms, legs.  All said parts covered in ‘make-up’ and usually within the ‘Goth’ genre. shudder. scared. future. hers.(and….) Mix-matched shoes. Where the hey are the others??? I cannot blame the washing machine. These random shoes, that have no happy other half may, also, possibly, more than likely be about 19 sizes to small for my… Read More »

Pictures can be SO very misleading. Oh look – they are the PERFECT family. (um. NOT).

Is anyone else tired of seeing “perfect” on blogs, facebook status’, twitter? Or in churches?? Or in how people talk about parenting? I am. Why do people think ‘being perfect” is so very  important? Being “perfect is NOT fun. I should know because I thought being perfect was “IT” in my 20′s and into my early 30′s.  I, essentially, was a walking facade of sorts. Sure, I had ‘moments’ of transparency now and then but, overall, I was not the real “Andrea” or maybe I didn’t know who she was. Regardless, I wanted to be “perfect”. But…WOW…look at these “perfect family pictures”! We appear to have it ALL together. We appear to have no health issues, no confusion in parenting, we are ALL smiles, we look like we just IN LOVE with each other. We, sorta [excuse me for a moment as I roll my eyes] ,  look “perfect”. Dang… Read More »

THEY NEEDLED ME "THERE" AGAIN!

Okay folks.This MAY be my limit. My “STOP!” sign.My ‘end of the rope’.My ‘throw my hands in the air and yell ‘WELP I TRIED IT ALL’ momentMy ‘ if I ever go to an acupuncture again, I am wearing an 1800′s chastity belt’ moment.My ‘ ARE YOU SERIOUS? AGAIN?’ moment.Yep.Again. A. Needle. THERE.  (not in the arm as shown above..no…we are talking “THERE”……but…the picture is representative of my expression when the acupuncturist told me we needed to do the procedure again.)It was yesterday. I’m still traumatized…which is odd as I am see the acupuncturist to UNDO my trauma. OUCH. Andrea P.S. going back to Mr. Evil Needle Man in a few days. Anyone know where one buys a chastity belt? Like the kind with a key?  (Picasso’s “The Weeping Woman”. I felt this was a good visual image to end on.

One of my biggest emotional rollercoaster videos yet. Talking about ultra-surprising acunpture technique leads me to happy tears over our sweet Tye. (Consider yourself warned. Buckle your seat belts)

This personal story … very personal in a way (mercy!) …. well does it need to be shared?  I’ve decided there’s no harm & no foul in sharing it.  It’s humorous, surprising, and leads me down a verbal path to how all of these weird, alternative therapies for my PTSD are, maybe, really for TYE. That, maybe, just maybe…there’s a mission behind the madness.  The video is kooky, raw, transparent, and heartfelt. Enjoy?   Soooooo…..Do you think I’m a loon or that I am on to something?   Be honest..but no criticizing of my knarly hair and unmade face …. Remember…I go for transparent around here! ANDREA (um. that needle goes WHERE?!)