A video talk about what I have learned from the death of my Dad. It is a bit intense. What else would you expect?

(TURN THE VOLUME UP….I WAS TALKING QUIETLY …SORRY)

Well.

that was intense.

Andrea

17 thoughts on “A video talk about what I have learned from the death of my Dad. It is a bit intense. What else would you expect?

  1. Hi Andrea,

    I’m so glad you are sharing you feelings about your dad’s passing, how much you miss him, and what you have learned lately about having to accept it and go on.

    I know you have shared before but this time I can see that God is helping you to fine peace over him being gone, and to cherish the good memories that you have to draw from.

    Charles and I have such good memories too of your dad, and we still miss him even after 17 years.

    Love you, and you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.

    Darlene

  2. I know that this transparent video will be used to help people facing difficult losses. That’s not necessarily why you did it, but it’s going to be a great side effect of your efforts. You are right – I was blown away to see you do this and I’m so proud of you for doing it. You were so real in the video and I’ve seen you come so far.

    Love you

    Jim

  3. Darlene – it makes my heart LEAP to hear you speak of my Dad :) thank you….

    I didn’t set out to post a “transparent” or even “real” video…until I hit the play button I really didn’t know what I wanted to talk about…but then…well…I sorta stumbled into it within a millisecond of hitting that button.

    If it helps others…that is absolutely fantastic :) It helped me just to talk about Dad.

    I have really never talked about my Dad this way…if feels good.

    Andrea

  4. Hi :hugs: Yeah I still miss my loved ones who died more than 17 years ago – and it is good that you talked about them. I love that Wookie & I talk about the grandparents and other relatives the kids never met. Ensures that they aren’t forgotten, gives connections to the kids etc. Oh, and definitely I wonder about what our life would have been like if they were still around.

  5. Andrea,
    Thank you for sharing your heart. We are so thankful to have met you and Amy’s dad…and to be part of your lives.
    Janet & Paul

  6. Sorry it has taken a bit to comment. I have not been on the computer only my phone and the sound did not come through.

    First, Andrea you are so much stronger then you give yourself credit for. I could have never done that.

    As you know my mom died 2 years ago. It was very sudden. The extra sad part was we had just started to talk after 11 years. She had never met my kids, really seen me grow up or at the time meet my husband. the first time I saw her in 11 years was on the table covered by a white sheet at the funeral home.

    All I could see was her face and her short hair. My mom NEVER had short hair. It made me feel sick, almost like it was not her. Andrea you have your fears, your doubts, your mosnters but you are stronger than them. You know how I know this/ because you confront them! And not just in the mirror when you are getting ready, or in your art that maybe only you understand, but live in a blog on FB for everyone to see.

    You expose your weaknesses, your strengths, your thoughts, your kick’n style,your problems with your kids, because not many want to do that.

    We all want the world to believe we have the perfect child. and you know what I have learned through your blogs and our hangouts/ your children are perfect!

    Chase is perfect because he sticks up for his brothers. Zane is perfect because he is wise beyond his years, Trey is perfect because he loves Gods creatures, Tye is perfect because he will take a yucky ol crawfish and love it with his entire heart, and Aven is perfect because she is the most comfortable person in her own skin i have ever met. And guess what? You are their mamma!

    You helped mold them into Gods perfect creatures.

    what i have learned is things (people) are taken from you in a blink of an eye, Cora. (my baby that was stillborn) that just didnt seem fair. my perfect little black haired baby going. i never saw her first smile, her first giggle, her first steps.

    i never saw the way she could have wrapped her daddy around her finger only the way a little girl can. ill never hear of her first heartbreak, or see her walk down in her beautiful dress to say i do. i wont see the circle complete when she would have her first baby.

    i really feel God placed us together Andrea, maybe to keep our men from going crazy ;)

    or maybe just to have a true, “i understand.” not a “well i’ll pray for you” yes i believe prayer works but thats not always the answer. sometimes you need to hear, “Andrea, here is some kleenex stuff it up our nose, put your head on my shoulder and cry, cry about all the things that just aren’t fair!” okay im done i think. im typing with one hand and its getting tired. luv ya girl and thanks for letting me vent.

  7. Juanita wrote: “Okay, after listening to your video, I had to take a “cry & hot green tea w/lemon” break, Andrea !

    You were so brave to do this ! Now, I’ve come back & read what you had written about your dad.

    He really was a fine person ! Not just because I’m talking to you ; Chuck & I, & others, have, over the years, talked about him & times we spent together w/him & your mom & other good friends, including you & Amy ! :)

    I had never thought of that word, “perfectionist” about him, but can see it now that I’ve read your blog.

    His handsome, neat, [ every hair in place, ] & stalwart appearance spoke to that. I think of him as quiet, but still fun, w/a dry sense of humor. :)

    All of that is okay to me ; it was him ! He also had a bit of wild & crazy side to him, though ! :) I asked Chuck how he would describe him, & he said ” He was a very good guy ; quiet, but a fast driver” ! LOL !

    We remember things like his starting at the top of the circular exit ramp to a parking lot downtown, & not slowing up from the top to the bottom ! LOL ! We won’t tell any young people about that one ! LOL ! Can still feel my “heart in my throat” when I think about that ! He was a lot of fun in his own quiet way. :)

    Sometimes what wasn’t is a good thing ; never remember him saying anything ugly about anyone, never heard a curse word, never saw him mistreat anyone in any way. You had a good dad you can always be proud of, who loved the Lord & his family.

    You can know he loved you so very much ! :)

  8. Wow! How powerful! Once you’ve lost a loved one, time sometimes seems to crawl by. My beloved papa passed away 17 years ago as well. He would have been 92 this past February and EVERY time I mark another year off I think to myself, ‘He could still be alive at 92(or whatever age he would have been depending on the year)’ I could still have him if cancer hadn’t been so cruel and taken him from us. He raised me until I was almost 10 and the best….BEST memories I have are with him. I always planned on him and my adoptive dad walk me down the aisle but it was not to be. Shortly before my wedding, I had the most amazing dream. I was at my wedding reception moving among my guests and here came my papa dressed in all white…from head to toe…bright as could be. I kept insisting it was him but everyone told me it was his brother, Emery. He came and asked me to dance. As we were dancing, he leaned down and whispered in my ear “I know you know who I am. I just wanted to let you know I’m always with you. All you need to do is speak and I’ll hear you. I love you”. That was one of the most detailed dreams I’ve ever had and at one point during my actual wedding reception I remember looking up and everything was almost identical to my dream. The people, cake, and so on. The only difference was he wasn’t there. I took such comfort from that. Thank you for sharing. One of the best condolences from a friend said simply ‘you’re deeply grieving because you loved deeply’. So true….and it reminded me that my papa knew he was loved. Your dad, I’m sure passed away knowing the same thing. God Bless You.
    Amanda

  9. Andrea,

    I love your dad. I say love because he is still with us because when you meet someone they change who you are and we will forever be changed by the time we spent with him.

    I loved spending time with your family in college, your dad was so funny and always had a laugh, hug and a story to share. I know from time spent with him that the cancer changed him and made him cherish your mom and God more. He really focused on what mattered most and that was taking care of you mom and you and Amy. I know it was a blessing to him to know that you were both married before he got to enjoy his eternal reward.

    I am blessed for the time I spent with your dad and out of all of those moments the thing that sticks with me the most is a card your dad gave me. Inside of the card was a little white card (the size and look of a playing card) and it says: “It matters not if the world has heard or approves or understands, the only applause we are meant to seek is that of nailed-scarred hands. I know that has gotten me through a lot of difficult times and I know that your dad has heard the applause. I look forward to a day when I can stand beside him (& you) and enjoy listening to applause that we don’t deserve. Well done thy good and faithful servant. Thanks for all you taught us Dad – we miss you.

    All my love,
    Pam

  10. Hi Andrea, WOW! What a cathartic experience that must have been for you to share you thoughts about your dad and his passing. Also very brave and as someone else mentioned, I am sure your video will serve to help others in similar situations. Most people don’t deal with how they are really feeling – it is too painful. I am 50 years old and so incredibly fortunate to still have my 82 year old dad who has been in poor health for the last year. Such a difficult time for all of us – yet we have to count our blessings as he is still with us. Thank you for your video!

  11. So proud of you for not only realizing it’s okay and healthy to share about your daddy’s death and life, your feelings, and your experiences, but that you just gave such a good reminder of the value of life and true relationship and how we should cherish it! Aug. 31st is actually the day of my daddy’s birth. I was sitting with my family playing cards after a dinner celebration, trying to soak in every moment. For years our household was chaotic and now we play cards together? So much to be thankful for. I can’t imagine the day I have to let go of my dad. My heart aches for your loss, but thank you for using it for the good and helping all of us. So true that we don’t always get what we think we will, but thankfully it’s true that in some ways we get more than we ever thought possible. Thanks for being you! xoxo

  12. Andrea you were so brave to share so openly here about your Dad and what you’ve learnt. Thanks for your honesty and genuineness…I love that about you!

    Big hugs to you…and have seen the pics on FB today of your new tattoo you mention you’re going to get…it looks great:)

    Anna xx

  13. Great vid sis. Love reading all these comments with memories of him too.

    I have to say to say I am shocked that u felt more like talking than typing too!!

  14. You have learned a lot in your 37 years. Thanks for sharing your whole self with others. So many lessons learned by such a young woman. and I know God is pleased with your courage and bravery, and your giving of yourself. so thankful to know you.
    XOXOXO

  15. Andrea, your video blog was so powerful and it really will help a lot of people who have lost a parent. I lost my mom when I was 27…it was like I lost my best friend and mother all in one. I know how important our parents are to our support system. Thanks for sharing your private emotional story. Know that it will help many people and inspire them. Thanks, Tamara Patzer

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>